Examples:

· What’s wrong with you?

 Explanation:

Are you concerned about someone’s health or welfare? Or, perhaps, you are completely at a loss as to why the other person is acting in what seems to be an irrational way?

In the first situation, if you use this phrase, it will be heard as confrontational and challenging, because it presupposes there IS something wrong with the person. It’s the same thing as saying: “Something is wrong with you”, and that’s an attack.

In the second situation, where you are completely flummoxed by someone’s behavior, it’s not likely to get you a reasonable, calm explanation, once again, because it’s perceived as an attack, not a constructive question.

In the event that you are truly concerned, there are better ways to express that concern.

 Make It Better:

If you have real concerns, try these:

· I’ve noticed you seem a bit different the last few days. Are you feeling OK? Is there something I can do to help?

· I’ve noticed you seem to be having difficulty climbing the stairs, and seem out of breathe. Are you OK?

 If you are puzzled by someone, don’t accuse him or her of having something “wrong”. ASK. Mean what you say:

· I’m really puzzled about why [describe behavior], and I’d really like to hear your thinking about it.