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· And another thing, John, would you PLEASE clean up after yourself. I’m tired of being your ‘Mom’.
This phrase is used as part of what we call “kitchen sinking”, a way of communicating that involves throwing every thing but the kitchen sink at a person, and overwhelming them with negative comments.
If you use this phrase, it doesn’t mean you are a bad person. It means that you are “storing up” resentment and anger until something, often a small thing, breaks through your emotional dam, and it all comes out at once. While it is human to do this, it’s dysfunctional.
Make It Better:
Keep focused on the SINGLE issue that’s being talked about, and resist bringing up past grievances at that point, in the middle of arguing about something else. One thing at a time.
If you feel you need to discuss something ELSE, it’s best to wait until emotions are not at fever pitch, and to make the “something else”, a completely separate conversation.
Here’s a way to approach it. AFTER you have satisfactorily dealt with the initial issue, try this:
· I wanted to mention something that’s been bugging me for a while. We don’t have to talk about it now, but I’d like to when it’s a good time for both of us. Or we can discuss it now. Do you have a preference?