Examples:

· I told you so.

· I said this would happen, but would you listen? No.

Explanation:

So you feel the need to rub your “other’s” nose in it by highlighting that you were right and they were ever so wrong? An interesting method to build and maintain a relationship — by humiliating, gloating and using this one up — one down technique.

There’s even more. This type of phrase focuses on what is past, and unchangeable. Yes, perhaps you were correct. But that’s over now. By looking to the past to score points, you damage your present and future.

If you use this kind of phrase, sit down and ask yourself (when you are calm), what you are trying to accomplish, and whether it’s really something you want to continue doing.

Some phrases — in fact most of the ones in this book reflect much more on the speaker’s faults than they do on the person the phrases are aimed at. This one simply makes you look really undesirable, petty, and more interested in winning points than winning together in a relationship.

Make It Better:

You’re probably best not even trying to dress this up differently, unless you feel your relationships is some kind of petty game. The exception may be if you have an ongoing issue where you don’t feel listened to. That, you can address.

· Jan, I get so frustrated when I don’t feel you are listening to me, so can we talk about that?