Examples:

· I definitely gave you the keys yesterday. You must have forgotten.

· I definitely paid the bills on time.

· I definitely know this as a fact.

Explanation:

There’s nothing wrong with being certain about something. A problem arises when you portray yourself as infallible.  Once in a while, if you are actually sure, it’s not a problem.

If it’s a pattern within your relationship, the other person starts to resent it, and shuts down communication.

Since we all make mistakes, when you consistently present yourself as perfect, let’s say when you could have had a lapse of memory, the other person will want to knock you down a peg.  That creates arguments when there’s no issue apart from HOW you communicate.

Make It Better:

Even if you think you are sure, QUALIFY your statements, with phrases like:

· I’m pretty sure I gave you the keys yesterday.

· I do recall paying the bills on time, but I could be wrong about that. Let me check our records, just to confirm I did that.

· I read the report, and recall it said...but perhaps it’s worth checking to see if the way I interpreted it is correct.

These statements are much gentler in tone, and it does make a difference.