Imperfect Phrases For Relationships

101 COMMON Things You Should Never Say TO Someone Important To You...And What To Say Instead

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Robert's books have sold over 300 thousand copies worldwide, and have been translated into Chinese, French, German and Japanese.

He holds a Masters Degree in Applied Psychology, and has taught clinical and counselling psychology at the college level.

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 Example Of Common Female Complaint About Partner Communication:

· Why don’t you talk to me.


It’s an often encountered stereotypic complaint on the part of women, that their companions don’t seem open to talking, or talking about certain topics. It might be true. However, from the perspective of the other person, he probably thinks he IS talking to you, and may even be unaware of his own conversational style.

The problem with this phrase is that it’s far too general. It’s like saying: “Why do you lie?”. Both  “Why don’t you talk to me”, and “Why do you lie?” presuppose that the person doesn’t talk, or does lie. These may not be “facts”, and it opens up a potential argument as to whether the presuppositions are true.

 Make It Better:

If you feel neglected by not getting the conversations you want, there are better ways to come at it. First, be specific, and invite the person to talk about not talking, rather than using this accusatory phrase.

· Last night, I tried to talk to you about but you seemed to want to watch the football game rather than listen. I know I might have interrupted you, so can we talk about it now?

· Jack, I know we have different conversations styles and you aren’t as talkative as I am, but sometimes I really need you to listen to me, and talk to me, even about little things. Can you do that?

· Jerry, do you think that at dinner time we could turn the TV off, and talk about our days? I feel like we’re losing touch with each other.  

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