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Remember, Your "Gut" Response Comes From An Anger Place
First, if someone says something that hurts your feelings or provokes anger, your FIRST and immediate response is what you learned long ago -- your "child" response". That response usually involved striking or lashing out, and so it's almost always going to be a reaction that makes things worse.
Stop The First, Gut Response
Your first, and essential step is to SLOW DOWN your response, so your gut response doesn't come out of your mouth and make things worse. It may seem that that's impossible, but in fact, you can learn to do this. When you are provoked, buy time for yourself and your partner by keeping your mouth shut. Count to five if necessary. Think of something else.
Better yet, say to yourself: "I'm not going to respond in kind and make this situation worse". Or, "I need to really listen to my partner, and UNDERSTAND before I say anything (after all you might be misunderstanding).
Or, remind yourself to BREATHE. When we are tense and angry we tend to stop breathing, which causes our chest muscles to tense, and that makes things worse. Take ONE deep breathe before responding.
You CAN do this, or at least most people can, and you have to LEARN it, so start now. Promise yourself to take one deep breathe before responding to comments in an argument.
Then, you have time to think about a constructive way to respond, and eliminate the 101 Imperfect phrases you want to avoid.