Examples:

· You should talk. You’re late far more often than I am.

· You’re messier than I am, so don’t hassle me about being sloppy.

 Explanation:

When someone criticizes you, it’s natural, although not desirable, to feel like you want to defend yourself, or even counter-attack. Unfortunately, this sidetracks the conversation to a place that’s not constructive.

This is what children do, play tit-for-tat, or try to justify their own bad behavior by suggesting that some other person is WORSE.

Think about this. How in the world does someone else’s bad behavior or habit somehow lessen your responsibility for your OWN bad habits.

You might feel that someone with worse habits or behaviors is not credible, and thus loses the right to comment on YOUR similar bad habits, but how does that improve your relationship? If both of you do that, then things get worse, not better.

 Make It Better:

Take responsibility. Don’t defend or counter-attack, or try to justify your own bad behavior in terms of what the other person does. They are two separate issues.

· Maybe we’re both messy, so can we come up with a plan so the house is better kept up?

· Yes, I know, I’m late too often, and I’ll try to be more punctual in the future.

· I know I’m not great at , and you’d like me to be better at it, so how can we work together on this?