Imperfect Phrases For Relationships

101 COMMON Things You Should Never Say TO Someone Important To You...And What To Say Instead

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Robert's books have sold over 300 thousand copies worldwide, and have been translated into Chinese, French, German and Japanese.

He holds a Masters Degree in Applied Psychology, and has taught clinical and counselling psychology at the college level.

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Saying "No" without providing some explanation is seen as rude and controlling. You are certainly in your rights to say "No" to a a request. In fact it's a part of assertive communication to do so. However the WAY you do it will determine if the other person argues with you, or gets offended, or sees your refusal as reasonable. Here's the wrong and right way to say no.

Example of An Abrupt, Argument Provoking "No:



We all say “no” to requests and  demands, or to to disagree with something that’s been said. There’s nothing wrong with having an opinion, or taking a stand, unless you are inflexible and negative on a consistent basis.

So, why is this included as an imperfect phrase? The problem with “no” isn’t saying no. It’s saying no without providing any explanation. If you don’t invite the person to discuss the issue by providing an explanation, it appears to the other person that you don’t care enough to talk about it — you can’t be bothered. Is that the message you want to send? Probably not.

There is an exception to this, and that’s with small children who make the same request over and over. In that case, once you’ve given your explanation, there’s little point in providing the explanation each time, but you have to decide that based on the situation.

  Better Ways To Say "No":

It’s easy to improve on the standalone “no”, by providing an explanation:

· No, I don’t feel comfortable with doing that because…

· No, I’d rather not go to the party because I really dislike Tom and Mary.

· No. I don’t think we can afford that right now, but maybe next year?

 Don’t those sound much more open and interested in discussion and dialogue?

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