Examples:

· You never call me, I always have to call you.

· You never tell me you love me.

· You never...

 Explanation:

Are you noticing that most phrases that start with you, and end up in some sort of negative comment share the ‘feel” of an accusation? That’s one problem with this family of phrases. Accusations, whether accurate or not, will start nasty arguments, and are much less likely to get you what you want from a relationship than if you use more constructive phrasing.

As with other “absolute” phrases that use words like always and every time, the other person will try to produce evidence to prove that you are wrong — that perhaps, once, back in 1992, they actually DID do the thing you are talking about.

It’s pointless. Drop this from your vocabulary.

 Make It Better:

Change these phrases into calmly stated, constructive requests, or explain how the behavior the person “never” exhibits affects you.

· I’m always really happy when you call me, and don’t wait for me to call you.

· Maybe you don’t need to hear “I love you” as often as I do. I’d really appreciate it if you could tell me a little more often, in addition to doing all the things you do that show me you care.

· I so appreciate it when you call me, since it shows that you are thinking about me.