Imperfect Phrases For Relationships

101 COMMON Things You Should Never Say TO Someone Important To You...And What To Say Instead

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Robert's books have sold over 300 thousand copies worldwide, and have been translated into Chinese, French, German and Japanese.

He holds a Masters Degree in Applied Psychology, and has taught clinical and counselling psychology at the college level.

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· Don’t do me any favors.

· Don’t do me any favors. Forget it.



This phrase is typically used when one person (you) asks another to do something, and receives complaints, whining, or other responses that exasperate or frustrate you.

Unfortunately, it’s an indirect, and somewhat manipulative way to deal with the complaints and whining, often understandable if the other person typically tries to get out of doing things they ought to be doing. It’s snarky. It also reinforces (rewards) the very behaviors you don’t want, if you allow the person to wiggle out of responsibilities because he or she creates such a hassle.


Make It Better:

Realize that when you allow yourself to get frustrated, and say things like this, you may end up actually encouraging behavior you do NOT want, particularly if you give up, and back down from your request when faced with the whining and complaining.  You need to be both more direct, and stay firm, assuming your request is reasonable and appropriate.

· Al, when you complain to me when I ask you to take out the garbage, I feel like you are trying to avoid your chores, and I don’t feel very happy with you.

· Jane, we all need to do our share, so why not just get it done with no complaining. Then I won’t have to ask again, and you won’t have to hear it again.



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