Imperfect Phrases For Relationships

101 COMMON Things You Should Never Say TO Someone Important To You...And What To Say Instead

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Robert's books have sold over 300 thousand copies worldwide, and have been translated into Chinese, French, German and Japanese.

He holds a Masters Degree in Applied Psychology, and has taught clinical and counselling psychology at the college level.

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· Don’t you realize how stupid you look in that outfit?

· Don’t you realize that you are acting like a fool when you…

· Don’t you realize that you are making a bad first impression at interviews because of the clothes you wear?



The “don’t you realize” phrase is a double whammy, since it suggests that the person is oblivious and “less than” because he or she doesn’t “get” the impact of what is being done.

The second whammy? What comes after the “don’t you realize” phrase. Usually, it’s not a GOOD thing the person is unaware of.

The negative impact is doubled, and the recipient has more to be embarrassed about.

In addition, the phrasing suggests a “one up—one down” situation, since YOU realize it, and you are pointing out the other person is not getting it.


Make It Better:

Take ownership of your observation and offer it as an opinion, NOT a fact. For example:

· It’s just my opinion, but I don’t think that outfit flatters you as much as the green one.

· You might want to consider whether your clothes are sending the wrong impression when you go to a job interview. It’s up to you, but I think companies look at that kind of thing.






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