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· You’re overreacting, It’s no big deal.
· You’re overreacting. I was just a half hour late.
· You’re overreacting, you’re late all the time.
There’s no better way to escalate an argument into a war than to tell someone their feelings should by like yours, or to judge someone’s feelings as inappropriate.
So why do people say these kinds of things? Often good people are so uncomfortable with emotional expressions that they will do almost anything to stop the emotional flow, particularly if it’s aimed at them. It’s not even done consciously. But whether it’s intentional or not doesn't matter, because these phrase are demeaning, and controlling, and they don’t work. They poison relationships.
Make It Better:
You are far better off acknowledging the other person’s feelings in a non-judgmental way:
· I can see you’re upset because I was late, and I don’t blame you.
· I understand you’re upset because of what happened at work. If you want another perspective, let me know.
· I’d probably see the situation differently. I can see you are upset about it right now.