Examples:

· Every time we talk, you have some sort of complaint.

· Every time we meet for dinner, you’re late.

· Every time you call me, all you ever do is criticize me.

Explanation:

Is there anything that is true ALL THE TIME? Outside of the sun rising, and having to pay taxes every year? That’s where the problem lies.

Let’s say you have a legitimate concern about something — the late for dinner situation mentioned above. You have a right to express your concern, and work with the other person to see if the two of you can find a solution.

Your phrasing however, is factually incorrect. The person probably isn’t late EVERY time (although it might feel like it). By stating things in this way, you create a very natural, argumentative response that goes like this: I am NOT late every time. I was on time last week. So, you end up arguing about how often the person is late, rather than finding a solution, and a lot of emotional energy is wasted.

Make It Better:

Be specific, and stop saying things that aren’t true. Don’t exaggerate to make a point. You’ll have less arguments, and more constructive conversations. For example:

· John, I think you were about fifteen minutes late for our dinner date today, and if I recall, I was waiting for you at the restaurant the last time. Is there some way we can figure to ensure I don’t have to wait, because I only get a one hour dinner hour.